Ways you can tell you're in a 1st-world country

Food fights do not involve knives. 

You’re hit by hurricanes, not typhoons.

Describing your country’s government as a democracy involves no irony.

Dogs are considered fashion accessories, not possible meals.

The most prevalent crop is neither smoked nor injected.

You raise vegetables as a hobby. 

People who own AK-47s are considered strange. 

There are special buildings for shooting guns as opposed to everywhere. 

Midlife crises and puberty are seldom confused.

When mining for diamonds, you worry about Creepers as opposed to genocidal warlords.

Wars take up less than 90% of your textbooks.  Also, you have textbooks.  Also, you can probably read.

Assault rifles are not appropriate baby shower gifts. 

When you think of pirates, Johnny Depp comes to mind.  

The street where everyone lives in cardboard boxes is considered the bad part of town.

A cop will arrest you for making a drug deal, not screwing him on one. 

Your country’s per capita income is greater than Ethiopia’s annual calorie intake.

You don’t have to specify which civil war you are talking about. 

You noticed that last sentence had a hanging preposition. 

Having sex without a condom is not akin to Russian Roulette. 

Members of the military do not need nightlights.

Get-well-soon cards are not cruel jokes.

Organ donation is voluntary and occurs after death.