Pros and Cons: Being a History Major

In College

Pro: Relatively few other history majors, so you're interesting by default

Con: Several reasons for why there are relatively few history majors

Pro: Homework is almost entirely reading and papers; There will always be a source backing up your viewpoint

Con: Homework, while largely optional, makes you want to shoot yourself; That source will either be in a 100-year-old translation or ancient Greek

Pro: You get to feel superior to economic/business majors because they only understand value, not worth

Con: They get to feel superior to history majors when they get a job because history degrees are worthless

Pro: No matter how awesome your friends are, Roman history textbooks will always have better party stories than them

Con: No matter how depraved/dickish your friends are, Roman history textbooks will always have far worse stories than them

Possible Careers

Wal-Mart

Pro: Having great stories; Can live indefinitely off gift cards from People of Wal-Mart submissions; Employee discount 

Con: Experiences that lead to having great stories: Being among the People of Wal-Mart; Most like site for resurgence of the Black Plague

Teaching

Pro: Instilling your personal ideas and biases into the next generation; Not having to work for a fourth of the year; Tenure is basically early retirement; The administration doesn't have to know about that pot you confiscated

Con: Baited by summers off only to have to work literally all the time; Dealing with ungrateful, obnoxious little bastards that don't want to be there; Dealing with ungrateful, obnoxious bastards that produced them; That pot was all stems anyway

Lawyer

Pro: So much money; It's not like you were using your soul; Being paid to argue

Con: Four more years of reading, followed by an indefinite period of even more reading

History Consultant for Movies

Pro: One of the few Hollywood careers in which failure does not translate to making porn; Secretly making actors you don't like dress as prostitutes

Con: Reminding director the the sixth time that Persians did not have sword hands; Might have to work with Chevy Chase; Strong possibility of being killed by Michael Bay explosion