In General
Pro: Most animals are too stupid to recognize how horrible we are
Con: Small chance that it is really a Greek god trying to have sex with you
Dogs
Pro: Mystery-solving potential
Con: Pugs
Cats
Pro: Make brutal murder of small animals adorable
Con: Can give you the Black Plague
Fish
Pro: Show off carnival game prowess
Con: Fish-fighting rings not very lucrative
Snakes
Pro: Can now talk about choking your snake without sounding like a pervert
Con: Can't talk about choking your snake because that is animal abuse
Horses
Pro: Always a narwhal, a hacksaw, and some superglue away from unicorn
Con: Constant, looming threat of rape
Teacup Pigs
Pro: Light weight makes them convenient for jokes about pigs flying
Con: Produce very little bacon, as you will drunkenly discover
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