The Hamlet Song

I wrote this song after reading Hamlet in my English class and realized that Hamlet is a huge dick.  As it turns out, this is not acceptable to perform at a school event that is being filmed.

They say Hamlet was a tragic hero,

One flaw cause his downfall.

Considering the stuff he did,

That numbers kind of small.

It’s not so very sad

That in the end he had to die.

He really had it coming,

And now I’m going to tell you why.

Hamlet told the actors

How they should play their parts,

Then he claimed a lack of talent

In the dramatic arts.

He’s sincere is what he says

To Horatio, you see

He does not want to flatter

Those who live in poverty

Why must he be such a giant prick?

Just reading about him makes me feel sick.

Puts a bad taste in your mouth you cannot rinse

There’s something rotten in the state of Denmark; It’s the prince.

He’s twenty-five or thirty,

Or somewhere in between,

And yet still he hits on Ophilia,

Even though she’s just sixteen

He talks throughout entire plays

And ruins the whole plot.

He watches random funerals,

In open graves he’s fought.

He told Rosencrantz and Guildenstern

He wouldn’t be their fool,

Then went off on why he thinks that

Recorders are so cool.

When he altered the King’s letter

To make sure the pair was dead.

“Aren’t I so very clever?”

To Horatio he said.

Why must he be such a giant prick?

Just reading about him makes me feel sick.

Puts a bad taste in your mouth you cannot rinse

There’s something rotten in the state of Denmark; It’s the prince.

When he stabbed Polonius,

He showed no remorse.

He simply said, “This fool’s

Better dead, of course.”

He stashed the body somewhere

In a sick game of hide-and-seek

And told them they would find the corpse

When it began to reek.

He goes off on all these lengthy

And narcissistic rants.

He ruined Laertes’ family

While Laertes was in France.

He always is complaining,

He has nothing good to say.

If I were Laertes,

I would have killed him anyway

Why must he be such a giant prick?

Just reading about him makes me feel sick.

Puts a bad taste in your mouth you cannot rinse

There’s something rotten in the state of Denmark; It’s the prince.

The king made Hamlet next in line,

Claudius meant well.

Hamlet put off killing him

To be sure he’d burn in Hell.

Simple revenge I can understand,

But that’s a little much.

When it comes to reality,

Hamlet’s out of touch.

If you still have any doubts

That he’s a total creep,

He sneaks into rooms

And fingers people’s packets in their sleep.

The context of that last bit

May not be quite right,

But when creepy Hamlet comes around,

You’d best stay out of sight

Why must he be such a giant prick?

Just reading about him makes me feel sick.

Puts a bad taste in your mouth you cannot rinse

There’s something rotten in the state of Denmark; It’s the prince.

Hamlet, everyone says

Your death was a tragedy.

Considering what a jerk you were,

I’d have to disagree.

They all wept when the poison blade

Stole the life from you.

All I considered it to be

Was an act long past due.

Why must he be such a giant prick?

Just reading about him makes me feel sick.

Puts a bad taste in your mouth you cannot rinse

There’s something rotten in the state of Denmark; It’s the prince.

There’s something rotten in the state of Denmark; It’s the prince.