In honor of the Apocalypse that was supposed to have occurred yesterday, I decided to make a list of things you should do should the end of the world be at hand.
Show up Panda Express. Serve sweet and sour panda.
Say yes to drugs, or at least to that sketchy looking guy on the street corner.
Stage live action Pokemon battles at your local zoo. Give the animals stupid names like Rhinocerite.
Go to a karaoke bar. It's not like your dignity was going to survive the Apocalypse anyway.
Make a hobo sign predicting the end of the world. Scream "I told you" at everyone you see.
Roll around in some radioactive waste. You might get superpowers to help you survive the destruction of the world...or cancer. Probably cancer.
Scream at random cats. You could now, it's just not socially acceptable.
Lick famous paintings. That way you gain their powers.
Release the existing samples of smallpox into the world. That's where they belong, not cooped up in some secure facility created expressly to keep that from happening.
Go to a Wal-mart and pay entirely in pennies. Holding up lines is much funnier when lives are at stake.
Buy a high powered rifle with a scope. Squirrel hunting doesn't have to be just in the South anymore.
Read a book. Make fun of all the hipsters who are conforming by trying to dredge as much hedonistic joy as they can out of their remaining hours like everyone else.
Regret it the next morning. If the Mayans were so great, they would have beaten the Spanish.
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