Things To Do Before the Apocalypse

In honor of the Apocalypse that was supposed to have occurred yesterday, I decided to make a list of things you should do should the end of the world be at hand.

Show up Panda Express.  Serve sweet and sour panda.

Say yes to drugs, or at least to that sketchy looking guy on the street corner.

Stage live action Pokemon battles at your local zoo.  Give the animals stupid names like Rhinocerite.

Go to a karaoke bar.  It's not like your dignity was going to survive the Apocalypse anyway.

Make a hobo sign predicting the end of the world.  Scream "I told you" at everyone you see.

Roll around in some radioactive waste.  You might get superpowers to help you survive the destruction of the world...or cancer.  Probably cancer.

Scream at random cats.  You could now, it's just not socially acceptable. 

Pros and Cons: Pets

In General
Pro: Most animals are too stupid to recognize how horrible we are
Con: Small chance that it is really a Greek god trying to have sex with you

Dogs
Pro: Mystery-solving potential
Con: Pugs

Cats
Pro: Make brutal murder of small animals adorable
Con: Can give you the Black Plague

Fish
Pro: Show off carnival game prowess
Con: Fish-fighting rings not very lucrative

Snakes
Pro: Can now talk about choking your snake without sounding like a pervert
Con: Can't talk about choking your snake because that is animal abuse

Horses
Pro: Always a narwhal, a hacksaw, and some superglue away from unicorn
Con: Constant, looming threat of rape

Teacup Pigs
Pro: Light weight makes them convenient for jokes about pigs flying
Con: Produce very little bacon, as you will drunkenly discover