As you can probably tell from the title of the blog, I think beards are pretty damn awesome, so I decided to make a list of reasons for why you should grow a beard.
1. Beards are like the best pets ever
Many people would like to have a pet, but either it's too much of a hassle, too expensive, or not allowed. Well, a beard is an excellent, low-maintenance alternative. Let's face it, the only real reason to have a cat or dog is to pet it. Guess what else you can pet? That's right, a beard. Furthermore, you take your beard with you anywhere you happen to be. If you want to pet something, your beard is right there. I guess you could carry a kitten around with you or something, but what are the chances you won't accidentally go all Lenny on it? Some people might say that beards don't have a personality like pets do. I beg to differ; with enough LSD, anything is possible.
On the other hand, pets are kind of a pain in the ass. Pets need to be fed every single day or they might start gnawing on you while you sleep. You only have to feed a beard every once in a while. Do you think your beard is ever going to pee on your couch? If it does, you have much bigger problems than a pee stain on your couch. Beards don't savagely maul children if you exclude the feral ones that live on the face of crazed hobos. You never have to walk your beard, the only shots it needs can be found at liquor stores, it will never scratch or bite you, and it probably won't give you diseases, unlike those dirty soul patches.